The Levine Machine

The YU Beacon released another article this week. The article, called “The Choice”, is a hilarious play about Judaism and abortion. What people didn’t know was that this article was actually a 2 part story. I present to you the second part of “The Choice” (Part 1 can be found here: http://yubeacon.com/2011/12/the__written_word/the-choice/ )

CAST OF CHARACTERS

SHIRA, 23, Jewish Orthodox, Sheltered upbringing, secretly thinks that Nickelback is OK, not great but definitely ok.

 
DUVI, 25, Shira’s husband, also Jewish Orthodox, Sheltered upbringing, secretly likes Nickelback but refuses to admit it so in conversation when people say Nickelback sucks he just goes “They don’t suck, they are ok. not great but definitely at least OK”

 Setting
The Breakfast-nook, or dining room in Shira and Duvi’s home.
 
TIME
Slighty more After midnight, 2011.
 
 

Duvi stands staring at Shira who had just swallowed a Plan-B pill. Duvi wears a yarmulke. He has also has put on a pair of sunglasses.
 

Duvi- Why did you do that!?!

Shira- I needed to get my point across! You weren’t listening! This was the only way!

Duvi- And you thought that abortion was the best way to do that!

Shira- Plan B is not abortion!

Duvi- YOUR FACE IS NOT ABORTION!

Shira- What are you saying!

Duvi- What are YOU saying!

Shira- Stop that!

Duvi- Stop that!

Shira- Stop what!

Duvi- Stop What!

Shira- Look under there!

Duvi- Under Where?!?

Shira- haha! I made you say Underwear!

Duvi- You bitch.

Shira- I had to.

Duvi- Well you aren’t the only one with the upper hand here!

Shira- What do you mean?

Duvi- You don’t think I knew you had bought those pills? I go through your bag every night when you come back home from work. I’ve known about you and these pills for months and I knew it was only a matter of time until you took them.

Shira- So what? Congratulations! you found out!

Duvi- That’s not all. I knew I needed to stop you so about a week ago I started swapping out your pills and putting Jelly Bellys in place of the Plan- B pills. Didn’t you wonder why your Plan-B pill tasted like Strawberry Shortcake?

Shira- I dont know! I thought they were trying to brighten a dark situation or something! Like “Wow, it sucks to get an abortion… wait! Is that Strawberry Daiquiri? It is! This abortion isn’t that bad after all! ”. I never thought in a million years that you would be switching my pills!

Duvi- Well, you thought wrong.

*Shira begins to sob*

Shira- My body isn’t some game or Joke!

*Duvi begins to act sly and slowly moves over to her*

Duvi- Looks like it is a joke..

*Removes glasses*

Duvi- and the joke is on you

*theme song to CSI miami plays (http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/)  as Duvi slowly walks out of the room*

Duvi- One more thing

*Duvi turns around*

Duvi- Want a Rugelach?

*Duvi slowly walks out and mutters to himself “My Wife. My Choice”*

BLACKOUT.

Eitan Levine is a Stand-up, Improv and Sketch comic based out of NYC.

Follow him on Twitter at  @Eitanthegoalie