Harley Quinn is hands down currently my favorite character in the DC Universe.
She doesn’t have the depressing emo back story that Batman has. She doesn’t have the picture-perfect (Read: Boring) superhero origin that Superman has. Hell, she doesn’t even mind-boggling super powers like Wonder Woman or Animal Man or Swamp Thing or even Static Shock. She isn’t the daughter of a god and she a princess who is slated to inherit a planet or netherworld. She’s none of those things.
You know what she is? A scorned lover who has more personality than the rest of the DC-verse COMBINED. She’s interesting! FOR CHRIST SHE IS INTERESTING! She makes funny jokes and laughs at dark situations and is playful and doesn’t make you wanna drink bourbon straight from the bottle in a dark room while listening to Willie Nelson’s cover of The Scientist. As a friend of mine so eloquently put it in his review of HARLEY QUINN #6 ”At its best, HARLEY QUINN feels like reading MAD Magazine when you’re 12. At its worst, HARLEY QUINN feels like reading MAD Magazine when you’re 45." Harley Quinn is fun to read which is a novel concept for the post-New 52 DC world we live in because, let’s be honest, most of DC’s current world feels like Christopher Nolan’s dream journal got left in the rain.
Harley Quinn deserves her own movie, you know it, I know it, anyone whose ever heard that intoxicatingly shrill Staten Island cadence utter the words say “Mistah J!” knows it!
Before we go on I feel like I should point out that I loved the Dark Knight series and I did appreciate the dark tone it established and deserved to have. Batman’s story is dark and Christopher Nolan did a great job at creating a world for that dark story to live in. But, now that the tone and universe has been established, it is WB’s job to play challenge with it and make it a more dynamic world to be in. (More on that later).
For the WB executive whose desk this ends up on (I’m looking at you, WB interns. Make it happen. Earn those college credits.) here are four more reasons to give the next blockbuster to the Joke-ette herself:
Challenge that darkness! As stated above, I love the Gotham that Nolan established but it’s time to challenge it. Gotham is as much a character in the Dark Knight series as Batman is and as with any other character, Gotham needs to be dynamic. The only way for Gotham to grow in the story is to challenge the tone that has been set. For that reason alone, Harley Quinn is the best villian for the job.
She does not fit into the Nolan-verse and THAT IS PERFECT! She is an outsider with moxie and a creepy-dark-yet-somehow-light je ne sais quoi that contrasts with Nolan’s established environment perfectly . Let her lose in Gotham and see what happens!
2) She Isn’t the Joker but Will “Pull a Heath Ledger”
Harley Quinn is one of the most unique characters in COMIC HISTORY. Her origin story, her sense of humor, her raw vulnerability and even her voice are unique only to her. A doctor in a psych ward falling in love with the most psychotic person in Gotham?!?! IT’S SOOO SIMPLE AND AMAZING! WHO WRITES THIS STUF?!?! (Paul Dini and Bruce Timm wrote it, fyi). Whoever is cast to play her will make Harley Quinn her own, just like Heath Ledger did with the Joker.
Oh! By the way! I’ve already casted Harley Quinn for you so don’t have, Just give Yael Stone (Morello from Orange is the New Black) a call.
OH MY SWEET LAWD WOULD YAEL STONE WOULD BE A SPOT-ON HARLEY QUINN! She steals every scene she is in on OITNB and I guarantee she will steal the next Batman movie like Heath Ledger stole the Dark Knight.
3) A NON-WHITE MALE FOR CHRIST SAKE
Ra’as al Ghul, Scarecrow, Carmine Falcone, Joker, Harvey Dent, Bane, Catwoman, Talia Ghul, General Zod, Faora, Lizard, Electro, Rhino, Green Goblin, Green Goblin again, James Franco’s Green Goblin, Doc Ock, Sandman, Magneto, Mystique (Rebecca Romijn), Sabertooth, Toad, Col. Stryker, Deathstrike, Juggernaut, Multiple Man, Sebastian Shaw, Emma Frost, Azazel, Bolivar Trask, Loki, Red Skull.
See a trend? I’ve been to AEPI frat parties with a better ratio. This is like a pastrami on white bread with mayonaise version of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for nerds.
I’m sure I’m missing some people on that list of villains but you get the point. How many goddamn Green Goblins are we gonna have to sit through before I get my effing Harley Quinn?!?!
4) Capitalize Where Fox Screwed Deadpool
I don’t know if I can ever forgive Fox for effing Deadpool up like that. WHO MAKES A DEADPOOL THAT CAN’T TALK AND THEN PUTS HIM IN THE SAME MOVIE WITH WILL I. AM!?!?!? WHO DOES THAT?!?! Here is a series of gifs of angry/confused Jacksonville Jaguar fans that looked like me while watching X-Men Origins:
ALSO! Let’s get the hashtag #GiveHarleyQuinnAMovieAlready going! CHANGE! OBAMA!
To whom it may concern,
Some of you know me as Eitan Levine. Some of you know me as @Eitanthegoalie. All of you know me as “@Eitanthegoalie - the guy that was unfairly removed from Twitter Madness.” Thurgood Marshall once said that “it is a greater crime to stand idly by while injustices are being done than to have committed the injustice itself.” Well, I am not standing by idly anymore. The truth is never easy to hear and the truth today is that Twitter Madness is a sham of a competition, a breeding ground for corruption and laced with anti-semetic undertones.
Just like any major crime syndicate or hate group, we must go to the top in order to analyze how this competition is truly heinous. Who sits on the top of this hate-filled pyramid? Kurt Guenther and Dan Glaser.
Kurt is a Putin-sympathizing neo-nazi who one time called me JewFace VonBankOwner. It was impossible to take an improv class with him because he would throw pennies at me during my improv scenes and say stuff like “Yes AND Eitan’s family shot Archduke Ferdinand to start World War 1. The Rothschilds led to the death of thousands of people and Eitan’s family is the Rothschilds.” How am I suppose to improvise to that?
I was surprised that I even made it into the tournament but then I quickly realized that Kurt put me in so that he could kick me out in the second round. “But Eitan” you are asking “Why wouldn’t he kick you out during the first round?”. Good question, I theorize that it is so that I would get a little excited and then be more depressed when I was eliminated.
I don’t know him but based on his name and the fact he hangs out with Kurt, I can imagine that
he also hates jews.
Shortly after I lost I recieved a text message from Kurt that simply “Your zionist war machine has finally met a match that even your dominance of the world banks could not buy your way out of.”
This tournament is a sham brought upon by Kurt Hussein Guenther and Dan Strom Thurman Glaser to defame the Jewish people. It is rigged to make my proud culture look like fools.
The Jewish culture is responsible for society’s biggest advances in medicine, political theory, literature, mathematics and philosophy yet Kurt and Dan (the Shaw and Kobe of anti-semitism) couldn’t see to it that a member of the tribe made it to the 3rd round. Look at the Sweet-16, not a single member of the chosen people. Who will represent the Jews? Jesse Neil? Jesse Neil is the most aryan looking person in the world. Corey Brown? Corey Brown is the second most aryan looking person in the world.
I implore you all to boycott Tweet Madness.
All the best,
A concerned member of this planet.
I am in love with Brooklyn college academic SUPERSTAR, Sarah Levitan. She is the lady from the Brooklyn college ads. She is the lady of my dreams.
"Goddess of the 1 Train: A Poem about Sarah Levitan"
The princess of education
Smartest beauty in the land
I see you every morning
But I’ve never touched your hand
You smile in your circle
High above the black speckled floor
Across from the newest novel by David Baldacci
Right next to Doctor Jonathan Zizmor
Your hair is darker than the darkest night
Your skin is warmer than the warmest light
Your sly little smirk says “Oh Eitan, Yeah right!”
It’s clear you are totally Jewish, a stone cold semite
Let’s build a castle up in the clouds in Shamayim*
Let’s have some kids and move out to Long Island
"DOOO DOOO’ I gotta go, i’ll miss you, honey bun
Because you are the best part of the Uptown 1
If you are reading this blog then chances are me and you have a ton in common. We both love AC/DC, we both opt for a taco salad over an enchilada when we are feeling healthy and we both think that pythons are totally bad ass. Let’s call it like it is, there aren’t many Jennifer Lawrence…
I wrote this blog post for a friend’s Blogathon! Proceeds go to Doctors Without Boarders! That makes me a great guy! Read and then donate!
New Years Eve is a dangerous time, especially if you live at sea.
Here are 5 little tips for you to use to be safe this New Years Eve and also not get scurvy.
1. Don’t drink too much
2. Always travel with a buddy
3. Wear many layers
4. If you are drinking, make sure to never leave your drink unattended
5. Eat oranges
"Dave, it’s your agent… yeah, I booked you a gig… no, it’s not McDonalds… your gonna be the new face of HIV… well Dave, the phones haven’t exactly been ringing off the hook lately… should you take it?!? Dave, I don’t think you understand where your career is currently at… you want to be a top model? The fact that we are even considering booking you for this gig should be a pretty clear indication that the window for being a top model is BEYOND closed… ok, I’ll tell them you’re in… hey, Dave, sorry I was harsh there… small victories Dave, small victories"